Feminism is not a competition (and a little tip to help yourself become your own therapist)
So you are not in Afghanistan at the mercy of the Taliban. You find that customers sometimes treat you like an imbecile and you end up complaining about rude customers more than your male colleagues. You might be in a managerial position and find yourself more vicious in order to command respect. Even though these things are not tangible, they are still valid feminist issues and need to be addressed as soon as possible.
I booked myself into a mental hospital for a lovely two week holiday. One of the last activities that we had to do was get ourselves out of a sticky situation. I had done the course previously having studied psychology and I knew exactly how to get every one out of there. If we however did not work together, one person having the answer was useless. The group I was in absolutely ignored me and decided to trust a layman's opinion even though he was incorrect in his assumption. I made the group a deal. Listen to this man, who knows nothing and will not get us out. We will try it once. But WHEN, not if, it fails, we will try my method and GET OUT successfully. You can guess what happened. The group failed and followed my method, easily getting out. In the group discussion afterwards, a middle aged lady stood up and spoke to the group. She took my hand and congratulated me for challenging her chauvinistic views on life. She was apparently upset wen I stood up against a man, thinking that we should all listen to the man as he surely has a better brain than us females. And then a funny thing happened, this middle aged lady realised that my brain and her brain can compare to any man's brain at any given time of the day. The big shock for me was a woman thinking so little of not only me but herself!
The point I am trying to make is not to change the world immediately. But if I can touch one or two more women and give them a little spark of confidence and hope, I will have accomplished more than I could ever dream. So go out today, whatever you do, and be nice. Feminism is about equality. Feminism is about empowering people, not just women. We believe in equal rites for all, regardless of colour, weight, hair colour, and problems. Your problems are important and not in competition with any one else's. If it is wrong, it is wrong. So listen to your female supervisors and be nice to the female bar tender. They have it just as bad as you sometimes. And as for yourself, I always say: be your own best friend in your thought-dialogue. Any conversation with yourself should be addressed to a role model.
Allow me to explain:
I adore my sister. She is the most amazing woman and if anybody mistreats her, well, I have a shovel and lots of garden space. They will not be missed...
Just kidding. But still, I used to have terrible thougths. When I did something silly, I would punish myself for weeks. Sometimes it even got physical and I still have scars. Then I started thinking, I wonder if my sister gets thoughts like these. I immediately felt so useless and I thought that if this was the case, she needs to stop and be ice to herself because I see this amazing female whom I look up to. She cannot have a derogatory thought pattern because that would just upset ME. I then realised that my thought pattern would be just as upsetting to her as the thought of her having my evil thoughts. This changed my life. I started speaking to myself as if I were my own sister. I am glad to report that it has been going well and I have been teaching this technique to men and women alike. Men tend to think of their fathers or older brothers and this works for everyone!
Now when I have a bad thought, I ask myself, does your sister deserve this thought? And if the answer is no, obviously I blow up the negative thought like an atom bomb and either tell myself that I am just human, humans make mistakes, or I think of something I did recently that I can be proud of. If I really had a blunder, I tell myself that I have learned my lesson and will not do things like this in future. I tend to seek solutions instead of being mean to myself.
Please try this, do it for a week and mail me with the results. I hope this method will alleviate some negativity in the world, even if it is temporary. Even if it doesn't work for you, you might have just opened the gates to finding your own solution. And remember that feminism is equal rights for absolutely everyone, including you.
